


Hearts Breaking Even

by cyncyn1110



Series: And the Song Goes on [24]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bon Jovi - Freeform, Dean/Sam - Freeform, Good God Ya'll, Hearts Breaking Even, M/M, S5 E2, Samulet, Seperate Ways, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 07:03:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7304368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyncyn1110/pseuds/cyncyn1110
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam decides to leave and Dean lets him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hearts Breaking Even

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's short. This one kills me. I know it's mostly transcript but I added a few extra bits. Hope you like it.

"Dean...." Sam moved his hand across the worn wood of the picnic table they were sitting at, but pulled it back when Dean pulled his away as if he didn't want to be touched. 

"Sam let's not." Dean met his eyes and Sam honestly couldn't see a hint of the all consuming love that used to live in them. If he was being honest with himself he hadn't seen it in a while. 

"No, listen. This is important. I know you don't trust me." When Dean looked away Sam felt a sharp stab in his chest but he continued to speak anyway. "Just now I realize something. I don't trust me either." He felt a minuscule twinge of satisfaction when those emerald globes searched his face. 

"From the minute I saw that blood.... only thought in my head..... And I tell myself it's for the right reasons, my intentions are good, and it feels true you know? I tell myself it's for us, so we can put all this shit to bed for once and for all and be together again, but I think underneath I just miss the feeling. I know how messed up that sounds, which means I know how messed up I am. Thing is, the problem's not the demon blood, not really. I mean, what I did, I can't blame the blood or.... Ruby or anything. The problems me. How far I'll go. There's something in me that scares the hell out of me, Dean. In the last couple of days I caught a glimpse...."

"So what are you saying?" Sam could feel Dean watching his face intently.

"I'm in no shape to be hunting, I need to step back. You and I..... we're not together... I mean that's not the reason I'm saying this but there's no reason to stay. I'm dangerous, maybe it's best.... we just go our separate ways." 

Sam held his breath for what seemed like an eternity while Dean contemplated what he had just said. As he waited he took in the way Dean's eyes were more guarded than they had ever been. He held himself away from Sam and his muscles were tense as if he was ready to act if his younger brother suddenly decided to lose control. There were dark circles beneath his eyes and Sam felt shame, knowing he had put them there. Sam fought the urge to walk around to other side of the table and hit his knees before Dean. He wanted to beg and plead Dean not to give up on him, he wanted to promise that they would be ok but he knew it would be a lie. 

Sam was shaken from his thoughts when Dean finally spoke. 

"Well, I think your right." Sam wondered if Dean could hear his heart breaking from across the table. What he already knew was being confirmed. Dean was giving up on him and although Sam knew he deserved it, he couldn't help but feel the sting. 

"I was expecting a fight." The dry laugh that escaped his throat was out of place and didn't fool either of them. 

"I'm sorry. I love you, that hasn't changed, it won't, but the truth is I spend more time worrying about you than about the job. I just can't afford that, you know? Not now." 

Sam looked away and nodded his head. "I'm sorry, Dean."

"I know you are, Sam." 

Sam stood and for just a second when Dean began to speak he thought maybe Dean would try to convince him to stay. 

"Hey.... do you, uh wanna take the Impala?" 

Sam couldn't even meet his eyes. He wondered if his desperation could be read there. 

"No it's ok. She belongs with you."

Dean nodded once and Sam could feel him watching him as he took a few steps. He turned back to meet the eyes he knew he would dream about. 

"Take care of yourself, Dean." 

"Yeah you too, Sammy." Dean's voice was thick but Sam didn't let it draw him back. He walked over to the Impala and grabbed his backpack forcing himself to keep moving over to a pickup truck to ask for a ride. He didn't look back as he got into the cab so he missed Dean dropping his head once Sam had shut the truck door behind him. He also missed Dean pressing his palm to his chest where the amulet hung before it went on it's own separate journey.


End file.
